Oblivion 15

I'm lost and alone, the world is my enemy because I have made it so. I am lost, alone, forgotten in this world because I made it that way. I have a quest, a purpose, a mighty savior who I know and love, who knows and loves me. Yet in that I am like a warrior with a quest, completely removed from the situation, I can do no good where I am, yet I run in circles and can't get away from this place. My life is going nowhere, my friend group is dissolving, everyone else is finding there place yet I am left lost. A good friend of mine, AJ Johnson, once wrote a song named Oblivion 15, one of the lines in the pre-chorus is "Lost souls left wandering around, it's up to us to bring them down." For the longest time I believed that I was the one bring people back down, bringing them back in touch with reality, but tonight I learn that it is I who is the lost soul left wandering around. But there is no one here to bring me down.
I am lost
I am alone
I feel completely abandonned
I hate this world
This world hates me
And this is all the reality I have created
I know my God is bigger than all this, but what good does that do other than a light at the end of the tunnel. Sure I have the best fucking light at the end of any tunnel in history, but that doesn't help me now except that I know I'm good in the long run. What good does that do us here stuck in the darkness of the tunnel, stuck wandering around this cold, dark isolation, to those of us who are lost. It's like when you are driving around and you say you aren't lost cause you know where you came from and you know where you are going and you know you are somewhere between those two points. But lets face it, you are completely out of your league and don't have any idea where you are or why you are here. Eveony around me is getting it, getting fulfilled with what they are pursuing, what they desire. I hate to be the selfish bastard, but it's hard not to say "well what about me who has suffered so much more and so much longer than he, where is my help, where is my guide, where is my light in this dark time?" but that's exactly how I feel. Lost souls it is. I'm searching for my oblivion 15